Notes from Girl-land

La-la land

2006-06-22T06:42:00.000-07:00

Off to Los Angeles, city of $500 distressed jeans and men with better skin than mine. Staying for an extended July 4 trip with a fabulous friend, so hopefully we'll have some girl notes to report from location.

Thanks for making Week 1 of this blog fun, everyone!

The shopgirl life

2006-06-19T22:10:00.000-07:00

As a local shopgirl, encountering men is part of my daily duties. Flirting with these men is another story, given that if they're in a girly shop they're either A) gay, B) buying something for a significant other, or C) waiting for their significant other who's also in plain view. Obviously, tricky stuff there.

They walk in aimlessly, no plan in mind but visions of their hero, Judd Nelson in St. Elmo's Fire, plain as day. Remember Judd Nelson's College-Dem-Turned-Republican-Scumbag character? He consumated his lust for a salesgirl in a three-way-mirror dressing room and then promptly bought a negligee for his girlfriend. Ah yes, the glamours of the job...

It occurs to me that in Albuquerque, the Judd Nelsons fall into three basic camps:

The downtown developer crowd who know they're big fish in a very small pond - and who hope we don't know just how small this pond is
Chefs and restauranteurs also experiencing a big fish/small pond moment in the Duke City
Los Alamos or Sandia scientists, who are pretty clueless about women, shopping, and everything metropolitan, but are still arrogant enough to assume we'll fall for them

Who did I miss?

Case study: Fashion influencing hotness

2006-06-18T19:09:00.000-07:00

Every smartly dressed girl knows a thing or two about making herself look her best. For example, in a crowd of fabulously intelligent women, here are some fashion faux pas you'll never see:

Busty women in oversized shirts. Busty women know they need to accentuate their curves or risk instantly looking 20+ pounds heavier. Let's not even discuss those great free t-shirts you can get at every political rally or bar opening that might look adorable on a long and lean girl but make busty girls look like matronly pillow case manufacturers...
Tapered jeans. Unless you are stick-thin Nicole Richie (in which case you shouldn't even be wearing tapered jeans, you should be hooked up to an IV immediately), smart women will avoid this look at all costs. By narrowing in on our narrowest feature, tapered jeans make the rest of look, well, swollen from the bottom up. Not good.
Short women in flat shoes. And I'm not talking while gardening or drug-storing here... When short women are out and about with the Amazons of Albuquerque, flat shoes (however Anthropologie-ballet-slipper they might be) are simply not going to cut it. Short girl legs in flat shoes will instantly look abysmal next to the taller, busty girl smartly wearing a fitted shirt and heels. And short girls wearing those trendy poufy skirts with flat shoes need to be instantly banished from intelligent girl queendom.

So as you can see, there are girl rules we all know and abide by. Similarly, there are man rules, too, which apparently not all men understand is the equivalent to fashion scripture.

Case in point: Albuquerque City Council President Martin Heinrich. Now Martin is cute, sure. And smart. And has good politics. But while many in the blogosphere love to fawn over "the hottest man in U.S. politics," I just can't support him in that role. Why?

I've seen Heinrich in a double-breasted suit. The horror! I'm not talking a retro, P.Diddy-styled double-breasted suit. I'm talking bad material, navy blue, and gold buttons! Sorry, Martin. Every man needs to understand that there is only a 1% chance they will look remotely good in a double-breasted suit. It's just not going to happen in 2006.

However: With a few wardrobe tweaks, I'd love to support Martin's candidacy next year.

And while we're at it, here are some fashion faux pas that men around ABQ seem to be particularly fond of:

Walking around downtown shirtless, with a t-shirt tucked into the back of their jeans. I don't care how #%*&^ hot it is outside, if women can make linen seem naturally wrinkle-free, you can at least keep your shirt on.
Shorts and white sneakers. Another perspective problem. Know your lines, folks! Unless you're a hot basketball player, this look will make your legs look shorter than ours, and that's not a great way to inspire us to get to know them better.
Shirts with cut-off sleeves. Again, get with the program, ABQ men! Yes, it's hot - deal with it in a mature manner!
Pleats. Ugh. Instant softening of girl hard-on. Trust us.

OPM graduates?

2006-06-18T18:00:00.000-07:00

This weekend a much-younger coworker dragged me to OPM with promises of metrosexuals aplenty. Sadly, there were all at least ten years too young.

This begs the question: where are the mature metrosexuals in town? Someone suggested Seasons, but I'm not buying it.

Ladies? Any suggestions?

Can't hide the thighs any longer

2006-06-18T17:44:00.000-07:00

To prepare for upcoming bikini situation, one must wear said bikini at all times around her house. This method ensures body-consciousness that will not allow one to (hypothetically) eat the entire carton of Starbucks Mocha Java in the freezer or nap away the afternoon rather than going for a run.

Right. Bikini at all times.

Maybe the UPS man will ring if I keep this up...

Politics and the men who partake

2006-06-18T17:19:00.000-07:00

If only local lefties were as hot as the suit-and-tie types I see out lunching. Who are those men? And more specifically, how can I get to know them? Sure, maybe some of those men are lefties, too. But I wish the unshaved, unwashed lefties would get their act together a little bit. At least then there'd be more democracy in my choices.

I'm thinking some Black Balloon sensibility with the look of an insulated Round House-r.

Oh, right - some of those suit and ties are supposedly lefties, too. Why don't I buy that?