Every smartly dressed girl knows a thing or two about making herself look her best. For example, in a crowd of fabulously intelligent women, here are some fashion faux pas you'll never see:
- Busty women in oversized shirts. Busty women know they need to accentuate their curves or risk instantly looking 20+ pounds heavier. Let's not even discuss those great free t-shirts you can get at every political rally or bar opening that might look adorable on a long and lean girl but make busty girls look like matronly pillow case manufacturers...
- Tapered jeans. Unless you are stick-thin Nicole Richie (in which case you shouldn't even be wearing tapered jeans, you should be hooked up to an IV immediately), smart women will avoid this look at all costs. By narrowing in on our narrowest feature, tapered jeans make the rest of look, well, swollen from the bottom up. Not good.
- Short women in flat shoes. And I'm not talking while gardening or drug-storing here... When short women are out and about with the Amazons of Albuquerque, flat shoes (however Anthropologie-ballet-slipper they might be) are simply not going to cut it. Short girl legs in flat shoes will instantly look abysmal next to the taller, busty girl smartly wearing a fitted shirt and heels. And short girls wearing those trendy poufy skirts with flat shoes need to be instantly banished from intelligent girl queendom.
So as you can see, there are girl rules we all know and abide by. Similarly, there are man rules, too, which apparently not all men understand is the equivalent to fashion scripture.
Case in point:
Albuquerque City Council President Martin Heinrich. Now Martin is cute, sure. And smart. And has good politics. But while many in the blogosphere love to fawn over "
the hottest man in U.S. politics," I just can't support him in that role. Why?
I've seen Heinrich in a double-breasted suit. The horror! I'm not talking a retro, P.Diddy-styled double-breasted suit. I'm talking bad material, navy blue, and gold buttons! Sorry, Martin. Every man needs to understand that there is only a 1% chance they will look remotely good in a double-breasted suit. It's just not going to happen in 2006.
However: With a few wardrobe tweaks, I'd love to support Martin's candidacy next year.
And while we're at it, here are some fashion faux pas that men around ABQ seem to be particularly fond of:
- Walking around downtown shirtless, with a t-shirt tucked into the back of their jeans. I don't care how #%*&^ hot it is outside, if women can make linen seem naturally wrinkle-free, you can at least keep your shirt on.
- Shorts and white sneakers. Another perspective problem. Know your lines, folks! Unless you're a hot basketball player, this look will make your legs look shorter than ours, and that's not a great way to inspire us to get to know them better.
- Shirts with cut-off sleeves. Again, get with the program, ABQ men! Yes, it's hot - deal with it in a mature manner!
- Pleats. Ugh. Instant softening of girl hard-on. Trust us.
As a local shopgirl, encountering men is part of my daily duties. Flirting with these men is another story, given that if they're in a girly shop they're either A) gay, B) buying something for a significant other, or C) waiting for their significant other who's also in plain view. Obviously, tricky stuff there.
